Usually I write about how exciting and fun and creative Des Moines is – but not today.
You see, while reviewing the weekend entertainment options in Des Moines for Saturday, June 1, I was dismayed to see just how BORING this city’s Saturday night is going to be.
For example, here are some of the many boring activities on tap for Saturday in Des Moines:
American Oatmeal Association (AOA) National Convention: Oatmeal company executives from throughout the U.S. are gathering in Des Moines to discuss the latest advances and product developments in the field of raw and cooked oats. Breakout sessions include: “The groats with the most: Getting the most from your groats,” “Steel-cut oats: are they worth the hype?” and “Fending off the threat of grits.” Event organizers changed the location for this year’s convention, which is usually held in Cedar Rapids, because they wanted more “big city flavor.”
“Hang Out With Your Parents” Night: The City of Des Moines is sponsoring a special evening for young adults and teenagers to socialize with their parents. Couches will be set up in Western Gateway Park for a viewing of an outdoor movie. The film’s title has not yet been announced, but organizers say it is guaranteed to have at least one sex scene for audience members to awkwardly endure while sitting next to their parents.
Look at Photos of Other People’s Cats: The Des Moines Cat Fancy Society is hosting a photo exhibition of Other People’s Cats. The cats’ owners will be on hand to tell the true stories behind the photos. Hear all of the fascinating stories about how Mitzi, Puddles and Scamper fell off the kitchen counter, chased some yarn, or did some other cat stuff which you totally had to be there to find amusing in any way. There will also be a workshop on cat bearding.
San Antonio Spurs Highlights: The Des Moines Spurs Supporters Club is hosting a gathering to watch highlight videos from the San Antonio Spurs’ most recent playoff run. No alcohol will be served.
How to Drain Your Dog’s Anal Glands: Hey, Des Moines dog owners – did you know that your dog has something called “anal glands?” And did you also know that, as a dog owner, it is your responsibility to regularly massage and “express” (a.k.a. “drain”) these glands? Come to this free workshop from the Humane Society of Iowa on how to properly drain your dog’s anal glands.
Ugh. So much boredom.
But wait! There is one event happening on Saturday in Des Moines that is definitely NOT boring.
It’s my comedy show!
That’s right, I’m doing a standup comedy show at The GrapeVine on Saturday, June 1 at 7 p.m.
Tickets are $10 and reservations are required – RSVP to firstname.lastname@example.org
Two very funny, talented and rakishly handsome comedians – Paul Privitera and Zach Peterson – will be also be performing. 3 comedians for only $10! Even if my show totally sucks, which is highly possible, you at least get to see two other comedians who know what they’re doing.
Do you like the stuff I write for Des Moines is Not Boring? Have I not brought some small amount of amusement to your Tuesdays? Are you not entertained?
Then why not come see me perform on stage? Join me for an evening of mirth and catharsis!
I’ll let my Bitstrips cartoon avatar have the last word: